Tell the hotel it's your anniversary

This is the single most useful thing you can do, and most couples forget it. Hotel staff are not mind readers, but they are, almost without exception, people who enjoy making an occasion feel special. If the booking system simply says "two adults, two nights", that is all you will get.

When you reserve, add a short note to the booking: "It's our tenth wedding anniversary while we're staying." Then, about a week before arrival, ring reception and mention it again in person. Ask whether there is anything they can do, rather than presenting them with a list of demands. A quiet word on the phone is far more effective than a hopeful email sent into the void.

If you book direct with the hotel rather than through an agent, you are more likely to be speaking to someone who can actually act on the note. It also means they have your contact details if they need to ask a question about a surprise.

Choose a room worth staying in

For an anniversary, the room matters more than the building. A grand lobby is lovely, but you will spend your evening in the bedroom, so spend your money there. Ask directly: "Which rooms have the best view, and what would you recommend for a couple celebrating an anniversary?"

Specific questions worth asking before you commit:

• Does the room look out over the sea, a garden, a loch or the city, and is anything likely to obstruct the view?
• Is it on a low or high floor, and is there a lift? A charming attic room in a Georgian townhouse can mean four flights of stairs.
• Is it near the function room, the kitchen extraction or the lift shaft? Anniversaries and 1am bin collections do not mix.
• Does it have a bath as well as a shower, and is there a proper chair to sit in?

In the UK, a sea view in Cornwall or Northumberland, a fell view in the Lake District, a garden room in the Cotswolds or a cobbled-street view in Bath or Edinburgh will all do the job beautifully. Ask whether a small upgrade is available on arrival; midweek, it often is.

Arrange a surprise dinner

Book the restaurant at the same time as the room, especially in popular destinations where the best tables go weeks ahead. If the hotel has its own dining room, ask them to reserve a particular table: a corner banquette, a window seat, or somewhere quiet rather than in the middle of the room.

Then decide how public you want the surprise to be. Some couples love a candlelit dessert with "Happy Anniversary" piped in chocolate; others would rather sink into the floor. Tell the restaurant which one you are, so nobody gets it wrong. If your partner does not yet know about the dinner, ask staff to hold the table without announcing anything and simply confirm the time quietly on the day.

Practical touches that cost little but land well:

• Pre-order a bottle of something they like and ask for it to be on the table when you sit down.
• Flag any dietary requirements when booking, not when ordering.
• If you are eating out elsewhere, book the taxi in advance and confirm the return journey too.
• Mention a favourite dessert or a dish from your wedding menu if you want a personal nod.

Small touches to ask for in advance

Hotels can arrange more than most guests realise, though some items carry a charge and some simply are not possible. Be gracious if the answer is no, and always ask at least a few days ahead rather than on arrival.

• Flowers or chocolates in the room before you check in, so the surprise is waiting when you open the door.
• A late checkout, which is often free midweek and transforms a rushed morning into a leisurely one.
• Breakfast in the room on the second morning, particularly if the room has a decent view.
• A handwritten card from the team, left on the bed with a couple of local treats.
• A spa or treatment slot booked in advance, as these fill up quickly at weekends.
• A quieter room if either of you sleeps badly; say so plainly and they will usually try.

Time it well and budget sensibly

Rates in the UK swing wildly. A Friday and Saturday night in July can cost double the same room on a Tuesday in November. If your actual anniversary falls in a peak week, consider celebrating a fortnight either side. Late January, early February and the first half of November are quiet, and many country house hotels drop their prices accordingly.

Ask about dinner, bed and breakfast packages rather than booking elements separately; they are frequently better value, and they usually include a set menu that is perfectly good. Sunday nights are often the cheapest of the week. If you want two nights, take the Sunday and Monday and you will have the place largely to yourselves.

Set a realistic budget for extras. A room upgrade, a bottle of wine, flowers and a spa treatment can easily add a hundred pounds or more to the bill, and a surprise that arrives with a sting in the tail is not much of a gift.

Make the most of the stay itself

Arrive earlier than you think you need to. Check-in opens in the afternoon, but many hotels will hold your bags, let you use the lounge or spa, and pour you a cup of tea while the room is finished. That first hour sets the tone.

Once you are in, put the phones away. Tell the hotel what you would like and then let them look after you; that is what you are paying for. Thank the staff by name when something is done well, and mention it again when you check out. Hospitality in the UK runs on goodwill, and a kind word on departure is often what turns a one-off anniversary stay into the place you return to every year.